The Wolf and the Lamb

I was watching “The Wire,” today. There is a character in the show named D'angelo Barksdale. D’angelo is raised on the east side projects of Baltimore Maryland. He is raised into a family of drug kingpins who teach him to be a “soldier” for the family. D’angelo comes up in a dangerous world and he becomes involved in criminal activity, doing his duty for the family. As the season progresses D’angelo becomes more and more disillusioned by the brutality of his “family.” He becomes deeply affected by the way the family uses and discards young men and women, killing people over trifles and paranoia in the name of “business.”

D’angelo becomes the tragic fall guy for the family. In interrogation, he considers taking a plea deal to gain witness protection and freedom from his family. His own mother convinces him to take twenty years in jail for the sins of his cousin, the kingpin. In jail D’angelo begins to distance himself further and further from the family, choosing to stand against their lifestyle and values. As a viewer I began to feel a sense of pride and joy at his bravery and the nobility of his character arc. Then he is murdered. An inner member of the cartel feared D’angelo’s willingness to testify against them and arranged his death to look like a suicide in prison.

It’s a tragic moment. A character's life is cut short at the moment when he begins to flower into himself. My heart went out to D’angelo, and it took me time to reconcile with his murder. I remembered the famous quote, “Only the good die young” by Billy Joel and it rang painfully true to me. This story is told time and again. Cain’s murder of his brother Abel, Jesus being sent to the cross. Men who commit no sin except to raise the ire or jealousy of a predator. Mythology is rife with stories of the poor women who committed the sin of being born beautiful and being punished for it viciously. Then we come to the story of Job, the man who aroused the jealousy of God himself. We find in each of these stories a different path to addressing the brutality in the world.

Odysseus encounters a predator in the form of his nemesis, Polyphemus the cyclops. Odysseus approaches Polyphemus’ cave asking for hospitality and parlay, hoping Polyphemus would honor the common law of decency among men. Polyphemus responds by revealing himself to be a cannibal, trapping Odysseus and his troops in his cave and eating two of his men alive every morning and evening. Odysseus and his men remain helpless victims for a time, watching the brutality at play in horror and helplessness. Then Odysseus devises a plan, he offers Polyphemus wine and speaks to him with conciliatory words. Polyphemus drinks the wine and falls into a deep sleep. Odysseus then finds a piece of wood that he fashions into a poker and heats it up in the fire. Then he and his men gouge Polyphemus’ eye out and escape the cave.

This is a story of a man recovering from naivete. At first Odysseus was paralyzed by the terror and shock of witnessing the brutality of Polyphemus. Then he realized he had a choice. He could either sit back and die the pacifist's death, or he could devise a plan to become the predator himself. This story teaches us to consider the nature of our environment and to use our inner predator to protect that which is important to us. Odysseus passes this test and lives, and then fails the subsequent test of reigning himself in. After escaping the island Odysseus turns around and taunts Polyphemus, revealing his name as well. This extra step of aggression, costs Odysseus dearly. Polyphemus prays to Posiedon, his father, and Posiedon torments Odysseus later in his journey.

D’angelo could have learned something from Odysseus about how to exit a predator-filled cave. Odysseus taunts Polyphemus when he is away from the island, and he still pays a heavy price, almost dying when Polyphemus hurls a boulder in retaliation, and still yet making an enemy of Posiedon. D’angelo’s exit from the family was not strategic, it was loud and abrasive, provoking the crime family to silence him. D’angelo seemed to have some awareness of the risks he was taking and chose to go out on his own terms. Yet it still leaves an ache that D’angelo wasn’t able to protect himself better in his endeavor to live a cleaner life.

Thus with others, we make use of our aggression to set down the appropriate boundaries in the world. We must fight back against the predators of the world. The goal is not to use overwhelming force, but skillful planning and communication. Then the deeper test lies in our ability to pull out from the conflict once our safety has been secured. Making enemies is not investing in our safety. We win not by scoring some humiliation or beat down, but by successfully limiting our proximity to toxic people. Yet sometimes we find ourselves in a more delicate situation. The person who we feel wounded by is not just a chaotic entity like Polyphemus, but a friend, parent, lover; or god. What to do when we feel wounded by someone whom we also love and put our trust in? This is the quest of Job as told by Carl Jung in his landmark book Answer to Job.

Job was a devout follower of god, wealthy and happy. One day God is boasting of Job’s faith, when Satan whispers in God’s ear, “Would Job still have faith in us if we took all of his happiness away?” God agrees to put Job to the test and orders the death of his entire family, the removal of his wealth, and strikes Job down with a terrible illness to top it all off. In contending with the agony that followed, Job makes a rare choice. He takes his case up to the God that he believes to be good and just. He demands that God reckon with the terror that has been wrought upon him. God responds by intimidation, bringing down a show of power that quells Job’s challenge.

Yet something happened at that moment. Job saw into God’s being. He saw the split between God’s goodness and his caprice, the split between God and Satan. He saw that God had not clearly realized that he had been hoodwinked by Satan to torture someone who cared about him. That Satan had dark urges and feelings, that God had not contended with.

Once Job knew this truth, so too, did God. This story ends with God attempting to atone for his cruelty by restoring Job’s wealth and giving him a new family. God grew into a more whole being, and he reconnected with his feminine deity-self to become more understanding of humanity as a whole.

When we feel betrayed by someone we love and trust, we suffer deeply. The pain of betrayal compels us to echo the same aggressive behavior. Job made a different choice. He modeled for us a path of approaching those who wronged us, and speaking to the part of them that earned our love and trust. Like Job, we ask that they acknowledge that some of their actions have not been loving. Job still saw goodness in god. If we also see goodness in the person we rupture with, then we ask for their goodness to behold their shadow. In this way, we offer them an opportunity to repair the wounds they caused. In addition, they can become a more full being, more aware of themselves, and thus more resilient against the compulsion to repeat the behavior.

Job’s path is a path that leads to repair in a relationship and increased intimacy and trust. If we judge someone to be incapable of responding to the path of Job, then we take the path of Odysseus. We use cunning and we escape, with all firmness and force if necessary. Then we stay away, and avoid the temptation to create a revenge loop that keeps us constantly looking over our shoulder.

We are all beings of light and shadow. Deep within the sweetest person in the world, lies a wolf, who harbors aggressive impulses; and somewhere, even in the most hardened criminal, lies a lamb, who longs for serenity and peace. We are tasked to create an alchemy inside ourselves, a fusion of the wolf and the sheep. To survive in this world, we must be capable of fighting, in the name of peace and safety. Someone who can challenge others, in the name of growth and connection. This way we can enjoy the serenity of lamb, with the protection of the wolf.